


Scars

by yjh__only (orphan_account)



Category: GOT7, JJ Project
Genre: Angst, Bullying, Child Abuse, Depression, Eventual Romance, Fluff, M/M, Scars, it's not that dark..., jjproject, might be happy ending, triggered warning in some chapter
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-26
Updated: 2020-01-04
Packaged: 2021-01-13 16:51:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 8,697
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21179483
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/yjh__only
Summary: All Jinyoung want is to live a life in silence.All Jaebeom want is to brighten up his world.Jinyoung hates attention, Jaebeom seeks comfort in it.Their world is total opposite yet they are the same by core.They can't be together,yet they are bound to be together because Jaebeom luck is all connected to Jinyoung.or where Jaebeom wanted to be an idol yet he failed all auditions but one only because he saw Jinyoung that day, and maybe Jaebeom thinks that his lucky charm is Jinyoung





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hi. I am starting this fic, idk where this will go (don't worry I have full plot set aside) but I hope you all enjoy this journey. If you know me then you might also know that my updates are really unfrequent but I do complete a story so you don't have to worry about that.  
if you see any mistakes do tell me, and I hope you enjoy reading this.  
have fun.

He walked through the corridor, all eyes on him as he passes by people. He was quite a distraction when he had covered his every inch of skin with clothes.  
Hoodie, cap and mask leaving a lot to imagination for what would be beneath those covers.  
No one approached him, and he was just fine. The silent treatment was so much better than the bullying he got in high school. But the stares were still uncomfortable, he fixes his mask and walked a bit faster so he could reach his class. College was better than high school but he still can't wait to get out of here.  
He never had friends, no one approached him and he understands, who would even wants to talk to a man who hides himself never shows his face and never talk. It was a miracle that they had heard his voice when he gave presentations. Pure hell for him though.

  
Park Jinyoung, a 22 year old college student. That's who he was, no one knew anything about him, no one had ever even seen his face properly. He was just a living shadow in between the sea of people.

  
.....

"What happened to the audition? Did you get the call?" Jackson said as he sat a cross Jaebeom in the cafeteria.

"I didn't got a call." Jaebeom sighed as he stabbed his cucumber with fork continuously. Obviously looking really tensed and broken heart.

"Why? I mean you are fucking awesome on stage.. I have seen you, you got skills.... So why?"

"I don't know, maybe I'm not capable enough." Jaebeom said.

"Or maybe you are just unlucky. I mean every one has seen you and you are really good at dancing. So I don't see a point of them not picking you. You are just unlucky." mark said, as he sat beside Jaebeom.

"I can polish my skills but what can I do to make myself more lucky."

"I don't know man, all I can say keep trying."

"I have one last audition, and if I don't get that I will just quit."

"Don't say that, and how many auditions have you given?"

"This will be my 12th."

"Wow you are working really hard, I hope for the best man."

"Thanks." Jaebeom said as he kept looking at his tray still having untouched food, thinking how his bad luck was such a hindrance in his life.

.....

Jinyoung waked over to the library, he had an hour free before a class so a short nap was good. He could always read a book too. He walked over to his favorite place, the far back of library where no one came, partially because it was a philosophy section and his college was arts college and no one needs to read philosophy and also because the area was in far back.  
It was great for Jinyoung, he could finally let some air go in. He slid off his mask, his face illuminated by the sunshine coming through the big windows library had.  
He was a fine looking man, it was a wonder that he always his face. One his whole mask was off, the scar on his left cheek was now visible.  
It was a deep mark, a slash made by a knife or something sharp. It was all healed yet the mark was deep, a scar which was never to be filled. It looked horrifying, the memories attached to them were nightmares for Jinyoung, and he would never want to talk about them.  
A reason why he hid his face. A secret he never wanted to tell. Something that kept him awake at night, something that made him go crazy. In the end he had to carry the weight of his secret in his shoulder, it was hard but he couldn't share it. It wasn't a choice he was given.

He was tired so he planned to take a nap, praying to God to help him wake up at time as he put his head on his hands such that his left side was only visible, scar going down to be unseen. Sleep slowly took him under it's wings and soon he was in deep darkness of his dreamless sleep.

  
......

  
Jaebeom was almost running when he stumbled upon a group of people.

"Oh I'm so sorry." He apologized.

"Oh no it's okay oppa." the girl smiled oh so sweetly and Jaebeom internally groaned. He was a pretty popular man in his campus but sometimes it was a pain in ass when people just try to get close to him just for his looks or attracted by his popularity. And the girl was just one of them.

"Where are you going anyway?" another one asked.  
He wanted to say that he wasn't responsible to give them all answer. But he couldn't do that. So he just smiled and said

"Oh I'm just going to library."

_Lies,_

  
But you never know how something small can change your life.

_It's all fate._

"Oh really, then let us walk with you."

"Ah no, it's okay."

"Oh no we insist."  
And soon he was dragged by the group to library.  
He cursed under his breath because he was being late for his audition. He still had an hours left for him to reach the audition.

"Ah I need to check the other side." he smiled at them and walked towards the end. He had spend almost half an hour with them,checking some random book, dodging the flirty looks and remark. it was pure hell, but now he had to get away, the girl tried following him but he told her she could wait for him.  
He walked away. He went back in the section, he looked at the watch and he had only 30 minutes. He cursed at the girl who brought things upon her.

The area he was standing was abundant so it was surprising to see someone there. And that certain someone was sleeping. He looked like a student, with all books sprawled around him. It looked like the student was sleeping, he could have just moved on and run away from the back door for which he was mainly there, but he was curious about the man who was so covered in things even in summer. He get that the AC was on but there was no need to cover up this much.  
So out of curiosity he walked over and crooked his head to see the man's face. It was beautiful, never in his life he saw someone this beautiful. His face was half burrowed in his hands but Jaebeom could see tell that the man was one of a kind.  
He didn't know how long he stared, but his watched did told him that he might have done the deed for five minutes which he still refused to believe.  
He then hurriedly left with the back door because he had only 20 minutes with a bit of regret because he couldn't see the full face. Even though it was his last audition for some reason he didn't feel anxious on contrary he left with a light heart and a smile for some reason. Maybe luck might just turn in for him today.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jjp still hadn't met... But yeah the plot is growing slowly as you can see.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for reading this story. It would be awesome if you share your thought with me :)

"congratulations Mr Im you are selected. You may start your training from Monday."

  
Jaebeom's eyes widened as he heard the news. These were the words he had been dreading to hear for past six months. This was his last chance and jaebeom was so happy to hear that he has taken one step more towards his future.  
He bowed down shouting a " thank you so much and I will work hard. " before leaving the building. Laughing loudly like a mad man that he was finally able to get into a company.

....

Jinyoung was back at a small studio apartment he called home.

He discarded his excessive layers from himself, finally breathing some air as he walked through the small space to his bed and throw himslef on it.   
He had three classes today and he had to sit through them for two hours each. His back was screaming with pain and just when he was about to melt into the bed and maybe just go to sleep he heard his phone rang.   
He groaned as he picked up the phone looking at the caller ID.

"mother."

He cringed at the illuminated screen. He didn't want to take the call but he knew the consequences so he sighed as took the call.

"Why did you picked up so late?"

  
No greetings, no questions about the well being. So typical of her.

"I just got home and a got a bit lazy."

"so I send you to college to be lazy? Huh? Is this why I am paying your tuition fee? To be lazy?"

"I spent 6 hours sitting and working and studying in the college." jinyoung said, tired of the repetitive conversation he always had with her.

"so? People spent ten hours or even more, because they cared about their parents who are spending theiromey in them."

"mother it's been two years since I am a scholarship student."

"so you are denying that I am your mother who raised you and took care of you... Just two years and you are ungrateful already. Not that you weren't ignorant before... Ah I wish your brother was here to see this..that you have truned into a heartless beast."

  
Jinyoung hands were trembling as he held the phone, tears falling down his cheeks.

9tbhirt so much, how he had given up all his life for her, yet he was blamed for everything. Things he never did. Sometime he really wants to know what he did to deserve all this.

The scar on his cheek stung even though it was healed. It wasn't the only scar he had, they were spread all over his body. 

He cried slowly as he heard his mother spitting all the venom and hatred towards him it was painful but he knew it can't be helped, becuase in the end she only had him.   
He had already accepted his fate but it always hurt him when he go through it. Maybe his whole life was a bad luck.

.....

  
"Man I'm so happy that you finally got in."   
Jackson cried happily as he squeezed jaebeom into a tight hug.

"I'm happy too." mark said as he patted his back. The realization drowned jaebeom that he was able to achieve his Dream.

  
"I'm so happy." he said as he hugged mark, his head resting on his shoulder.   
Mark smiled as he pat jaebeom's head, one of a very few delicate moment where jaebeom let them see the soft side of him, the vulnerable side of him.

  
Mark was glad that he was one of those few people, to whome jaebeom just throw away his fake mask and just be himslef.

"Are your parent happy about this?" Jackson said as he stroke jaebeom's back who was still hugging mark. They always have been like that.   
Jackson and Mark despite dating each other always open a room for jaebeom when he was in need. Not in a sexual manner but in most intimate way for firends.

"I did, mom's mad and dad is not talking to me. But they aren't doing anything because they think that the phase will pass." jaebeom's said, vocie muffled by marks shoulder as he was still drapped over him.

"Oh.... That's kinda bad." Jackson hand stopped for a moment before resuming back to move.

"I know... But I will get through it... Right now I'm just happy." jaebeom said as he exhaled out loud, like some huge birder was taken off his shoulder.

"let's get dinner." mark said.

"yeah let's go." Jackson said as he held jaebeom's wrist dragging him.

  
.....

Jinyoung couldn't work in public places, the place where he had to show off his face because that would be a disaster.   
So he just stayed in his home and does free lancing making posters, editing videos for people. Usually his clients would just send emails and transfer the money but soemtimes they were picky and wanted to meet.   
He made sure that he was fully covered, it weirded the clients out. But jinyoung never loses his client because the work he put off was the best work.   
He needed money in some way, the scholarship covered his college fee but the rest was on him as he was now not taking money from his mother.

Life has been a bit better, sometimes the nightmare would come and he would scream in his dreams and wake up sweating and crying out loud.   
Sometimes he wished he had someone he could hold onto but the idea leaves the mind as soon as it come.

.....

  
"so, did you do something different today?" mark asked as he feed Jackson a small piece of cucumber.

"No I didn't, the routine was same as I did in all last auditions." jaebeom said as he eats the meat.

"that's odd." Jackson munched on the cucumber that he was fed.

"or maybe you just find your luck." makr said, as he took a bite himslef.

"huh what does this even mean." jaebeom said, sipping his water.

"did something happend before going to the audition?" mark asked.

The picture of sleeping guy apread in his mind before he shook his head.

"No."

"well that means they either recognized your talent or you are going to get scammed." mark said matter if factly.

"Hey talk positive." Jackson said as he hit mark with his elbow and then looked at jaebeom.

  
"don't worry hyung you will be fine." he smiled whome jaebeom smiled back at him.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> WARNING.  
GRAPHICAL ABUSE SCENE... PLEASE DON'T READ THE ITALIC IF YOU CAN'T READ ABUSE ESPECIALLY CHILD ABUSE.   
THIS IS A PART OF FICTION AND I NEVER INTEND TO MAKE IT THIS BAD.. BUT IT HAPPENED SO OF YOU CAN'T READ IT PLEASE SKIP... I'M WARNING YOU.. PLEASE SKIP THE ITTALOC PART.

"Jaebeom shi... You are doing a great job but there is something missing here.."

the trainer said as he looked at teh boy who was sweating so hard looking tired at his teacher.

"Something missing?" jaebeom said, breathing heavily.

"Yeah, I don't know what is this. You really are a good performer nothing to that.... But maybe your expression is not matching."

"My expression?" he answered with another question.

"You know like that day, the day of audition. Your expression and your aura was changed."

"I'm sorry I'll try to figure it out." Jaebeom said as he bowed down.

"No stress but yeah it would be good if you do that, other thab that you are doing a good job."

"Thank you sir."

.....

_"It's all because of you that this happened, he left me because of you, you ruined my life." _

_6 year jinyoung was shivering with fear as he looked at his mother who was furious and broken hearted because her husband left her._

_"if only you weren't born we would have been happy. Me him and my son. You came and ruined our lives for 6 years and now he left me for real." she was crying out loud, screaming as she held jinyoung's small hand pulled him and hit him straight on his back._

_The child cry, tears falling on his cheeks, he didn't deserve all this, it was so sad yet painful the hits he got from his mother were hurting him so much, making bruises on his body yet he can't escape. It was the life that was written for him._

_"Mother, let go..." he heard his big brother as the ten year old boy took jinyoung away from their mother._

_"Why are you doing this?"_

_"It's all his fault."_

_"He is just a small boy, he didn't do anything."_

_"You get away form here..."_

_ "No... Don't touch my brother." but the women was an adult, of course she easily pushed his brother away before hitting jinyoung one more time._

Jinyoung woke up, sweating and crying frozen in his bed. He can't believe he had a bad nightmare again. He slowly sit up, body heavy from exausion, he looked at the clock and it was 3 am. He knew he won't be getting any sleep after this.

He sighed as he wiped his tears, sniffing as he walked towards the bathroom to get a quick shower, to wash away his sweat and his swarrow and tiredness at the same time.

The bruises his mother gave were long gone, but the nightmares were still there. The screams, the mental pain it was all there. 

He walked out of the bathroom went to kitchen to get tea, to calm himslef down. 

He knew that he can't sleep now, all he was now left with was emptiness, loneliness and a throbbing body. 

..... 

Jaebeom was walking in the corridor, thinking in how his audition was different than the practices he was doing now as a trainee. 

He couldn't put a single thing to pin point the difference. 

Wasn't it all the same. He worked hard at the audition and he was still working hard in training and sessions as well.

With his head still on thoughts he didn't notice as he ran into a person, almost pushing them in the floor. 

"Oh I'm so sorry." jaebeom said as he apologized to the person he bumped into. 

"No I'm sorry as well as I didn't see." he looked at and saw that boy from the library. Of course he noticed him, he was all covered with masks and hat but for some reason jaebeom knew it was him. 

The boy bowed down to him repeatedly and jaebeom felt sorry as he held his shoulder. 

The boy flinched at the contect and almost pushed jaebeom away. 

He bowed down again and said sorry before almost running away. 

The situation was odd and it made jaebeom thoughts of lots of things, but for some reason he felt at peace after he met the boy. 

Somehow in his mind something bugged him that he need to talk to this man to get to know him, to ask him why does he wear so much stuff when he is indeed a beautiful man? He knew he had seen it in person. why did he flinch when jaebeom just grabbed him? 

But all these questions and feelings had to be pushed away since the boy was gone and now he had to go to his class. 

There was no outcome from the meeting except the fact that jaebeom had a load of questions and also he might have did a lot better in his training hours and got praised. 

Maybe he just got his luck. 

.... 

Jinyoung groaned in annoyance as he got the email of a client asking him to meet. 

It was always a hassle, he did asked the man to contact him through phone but he got an answer and it was. 

"I'm really sorry, but I really need to meet you to get things clear. I really can't just do things over mails and phones calls.. Please I'm sorry." 

The man sounded really desperate and sincere so jinyoung agreed to it. 

It was Sunday and he was meeting the man, he threw over a hoodie and a cap. The mask was in to cover his scar on his cheek and he went out to meet his client. 

It was a normal Sunday but for some reason jinyoung's heart was beating faster, he always had anxiety before meeting new people but today something was different. 

The feeling was different. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jjp meet for. 5sec....that's a progress...


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> No trigger warning... But this is just sad.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm here again, this chapter is no good... I know. I feel like my writing is getting worse... But I really wanted to put up this chapter... So here it is...

"I'm really sorry that you have to come all the way." Jackson apologized to jinyoung for nth time in the past one hour of their meeting.

"Ah it's okay." jinyoung said, smiling a little. Eyes wrinkles forming for Jackson to see.

"I know it's a bit too personal... But is it really okay if you keep wearing all this... It's not like I want to see your face it's.. Just isn't it too uncomfortable?"  
Jackson said.  
Jinyoung just smiled and said.

"I have my reason Jackson shi, why don't we just focus on the work we have." the firmness in the voice made Jackson stop, even though he wanted to know more yet he couldn't, not when Jinyoung put his walls too high.

"sure." Jackson said.

....

Jinyoung didn't know why but talking to Jackson wasn't that bad. The time went quickly, and Jackson himslef wasn't the one to go around the bush. He straight out laid his problems with the work and didn't bother to ask much about jinyoung apearence any further which he was thankful for. 

"Um I'm sorry that I'm asking too much but is it okay if my friend comes over?" Jackson asked a bit nervous to talk to jinyoung.

"Ah it's okay." it wasn't okay but jinyoung can't do anything. And if he was Jackson's friend he might be good too. But the fear of meeting new people still lies in the pit of his stomach.

....

  
Jaebeom was really surprised to see that library guy. He was wearing all those layers again, it looked the boy was surpsied as well but didn't say much.  
Jaebeom had so many questions but he just slumped beside Jackson, too tired from his training session and watch the two man working together.

He found out the name of the library guy and it was jinyoung. Jaebkm liked the name. He watched how jinyoung work, and it seemed like the man was in total control of whatever he was doing.   
He was leading a chaotic person like Jackson and it really was an accomplishment. 

He didn't know why Jackson called him here in first place, maybe because to get him to walk home later since Mark had some business to do and Jackson hated being alone.   
Jaebeom was so tired that he didn't realized that he had actually fall asleep, with his head on Jackson's shoulder. Jackson didn't said anything since they always had been like that. 

It was when jinyoung said something about jaebeom being Jackson's boyfriend when jaebeom realized that not all people see his friendship with his firends as he does. 

"Is your boyfriend okay?" jinyoung asked Jackson pouting at jaebeom who was almost sliding from his shoulder because of sleeping. 

"Ah.. Hahaha no he isn't my boyfriend. He is my friend.. He is just tired... You know he is a trianess in an entertainment company." 

'oh I'm so sorry... " jinyoung said a bit flustered, jaebeom just looked at him with his droopy eyes. 

Jinyoung was Intresting in the eyes of jeabeom, and jeabeom needed to know more about him. 

  
.... 

"Why you hide yourself?" Jinyoung flinched at the voice, Jackson had left for the bathroom and the Jeabeom guy was kind of still sleeping on the table b so he didn't expect a question out of no where. 

"That's none of your business." jinyoung hated to be questioned. 

"You even flinched when I grabbed you last time? Why? You hate being touched?" 

For some reason jaebeom kept asking question without being offended. 

"Jaebeom shi it's the second time we met and I don't think you should be asking this many personal questions to me." 

"Third. " jaebeom said calmly. 

" Huh? "

" I have seen you in library first time, you were sleeping. To be honest you are really beautiful. I don't see a reason why you should be hiding your face like that." 

  
Jinyoung face went all red as he looked at Jaebeom, he was angry. 

"I said that, none of this is your concern." 

"Is everything okay." it was good that Jackson was there. 

'yeab.. And I'm sorry but I m leaving. "

" Ah it's okay and thank you jinyoung shi for being with me and it was nice working together. "

" Ah thanks, it was nice working with you too."

he smiled leaving the Cafe, feeling a pair of eyes on his back. 

.... 

Jaebeom walked back to his home after leaving Jackson at his dorm.   
For some reason he wasn't feeling good. He would usually be really energetic even when he was tried. But today he just wasn't feeling the vibe at all.   
Today he got praised, by his vocel and dance teacher both. They told him that he was their hidden gem that they had been looking for.   
This was all jeabeom wanted to hear, but he just couldn't feel the vibe. He felt like it was something he shouldn't be doing.   
The abrupt change in his mood made him feel a lot of emotions hitting him at once. 

  
His parents saw him entering the house, they were his parent anyway. They knew what was up. 

"see I told you he was will become tired of it and will comeback." his father said, the words were harsh. He wanted to tell him that it was all wrong and he really wanted to be an idol.   
But it all just made him question himslef. Did he really wanted to be an idol? Was it really his dream? Or it was all just to make his parents shut up when they were forcing their own dreams on him.   
He didn't know, he ignored them all as he walked upstairs into his room, threw himself on the bed, Letting the cold sheets welcome him and he wished that it was all the dream and tomroow he would feel better.

.....

Jinyoung looked at the mirror, his scar was there. Standing on his face like a sour thumb.   
His panic attack was approachin, His heart was beating fast as he looked into his reflection. He didn't want to do this. Not to fall apart, not to be surrounded by his nightmares again. Not at this time of the day.   
But his nightmares always got him. 

_'you fucking pathetic loser' _

_'God you are so ugly, get out of my life.'_

Jinyoung covered his ears, it was ridiculous but he still could his mother screaming into his ears. Like she was present at the moment. 

Tears rolling down his cheeks as he tried to get away from the mirror. Times like these mirror were his worse enemies, showing him that maybe he truly deserve all those harsh words.   
The poison his mother filled in him had never left his mind, his past still was there to haunt him. 

He walked soulessly into his room, crying loudly. Didn't know why he was having his panic attack so suddenly. He should be strong, to face his demons. But he wasn't 

  
Jinyoung walked over to his bed, laying down. Trying to get sleep, to just drown himslef into darkness, to soulless and dreamless darkness so no nightmare would reach him.

  
His hand unconsciously reached to his scar on the left cheek, it was throbbing.it was all healed yet it always throb when he remember the events. 

_'so ugly' _

_'you are beautiful, I don't see why you have to hide your face like this.' _

  
Jinyoung eyes widened as his mind replayed the scene from the morning events.   
It was the first time he heard any voice other than his own mother in his nightmare. 

The words gave him opposite effect of what his mother's words would have him. 

They were soothing. Jinyoung didn't know but he replays those words in his. Mind Untill he fall asleep. 

_'you're ugly......' _

_'you're beautiful.' _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading 💗


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> JJP finally meet properly???

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm really happy that people are reading this story, I'm more happy that this is going as I planned because I often seems to break away from my actual line oof plot.... But on top of thst thank you all for reading this.... Please share your thoughts on how your liked the story so far.... Like I really really wanna know.... I wanna the thoughts you have when you read this..anything....  
Haha enjoy..

"I don't think I'm on the right path." Jaebeom said as he walked beside Mark on their way to music class.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean is becoming an idol really my dream?"

"Huh? How come you are thinking such negative thoughts? You have been working hard for so many years for this. And now you finally got the opportunity. Why the sudden change?"

"I don't know, I just..." jaebeom trialed of, not knwoing how to describe his doubtful heart.

Mark didn't say anything, they both just walked in the corridore when Jackson joined them.

"what's with the long face?" he asked jaebeom.

"Nothing." Jackson would have questioned more but he spotted thate black hoodie and said loudly.

"Jinyoung."

Jaebeom flinched, his attention diverted to the boy covered in layers. Jinyoung, yes, it was him.  
Jaebeom looked at the figure who was really confused with Jackson's calling him, a sudden relief washed over him for no reason.  
It's like looking at him made his all anxiety washed away. Just the mare sight of the boy made him relax, and he felt like he could conquer the world.

He knew it was odd, but he had this feeling since the first time they met and he might have brushed it off first but looking at jinyoung really made him more relaxed and feel more real.

He didn't know why, but maybe just like Mark had said, jinyoung might be his luck. This was the first time he realized all this and the urge to know jinyoung more arises in him, he have to know about the boy, heck he needs to know about him.

  
.....

  
His name being called in the corridore raises a lot of alram inside him, being called was never a good thing for him. All it brought him was misery and pain.

But then he met with Jackson's warm and friendly eyes, and he relaxed a little. Jabeoems curious eyes were welcoming too, so he just let himslef be dragged by Jackson and greeted the three boys.

It was Mark who gave him surrpsied and distant look and it didn't made him feel bad, becuase this was the actual reality when people first saw him.  
Jaebeom and Jackson were just different people.

"Mark this is jinyoung, the guy whom I told you about. The one who is working on my poster and my advertisement project." Jackson was way too exited for mark's liking and jinyoung could see that.

"Ah and jinyoung... This is mark and yes he is my boyfriend... Hahaha not jaebeom.... Oh my God mark can you believe he thought that jaebeom was my boyfriend." and then Jackson started to get even more excited telling Mark their story.  
Jinyoung unconsciously shifter towards jaebeom to give the couple privacy, he could see the traces of distrust in Mark eyes, of course who would like to see a person covered in so much layers and not showing his face to meet their own lover.

They walked, and then jinyoung realized that he needed to go to his own class.

"Oh Jackson I'm sorry but I have to leave."

" Ah hahah sorry, I was really excited to see you here, are you free afterwards so we could have lunch or something . "

" Jack. " jaebeom wanted to hit Jackson for being so dense 

" gaga...." Mark sounded flate. 

Seeing both jaebeom and Mark calling out at the same time made jinyoung sure that he wasn't needed, somehow he should have been used to it, but it hurt like always.

" it's okay Jackson I have work to do... "

He said and left, heavy heart but nothing new. He heard himslef being followed, jinyoung thought it was his imagination but then he saw jaebeom walking beside him.

"Forgive Mark, he is just really possessive over his boyfriend."

"Ah I can understand." Jinyoung tired to smile, tying to hide the fact that being accused for no reason, just solely based on his looks was something he always hated.

"Ah well see you." jaebeom said awkwardly before he left, and that's when jinyoung realized thst maybe jaebeom came all the way to tell him that, even his destination was in opposite direction.  
A smile formed on his lips without him knwoing.

.....

  
"Didn't he looked suspicious." finally mark had said, what jaebeom had been dreading not to hear form the older male.

"huh? Who?" Jackson asked.

"That jinyoung guy."

"what... No... He is a Sweet heart... He really is the best.... Mark don't judge him by his cover.. He have his own reason."

"what reason you might have to hide the whole face of yours and won't show anything to another person ."

Mark frowned, really not liking the way how his lover was just taking side of any stranger, on top of thst a really suspicious stranger.

"well we never know, and we talked for two hours to be honest and he was arelly good guy, tell him jaebeom."

"You were there too?" make looked at him, brows knotted.

"yes..." jaebeom shrugged, "he is a good guy, I don't think you need to be concerned about him."

Mark sighed, of course he believed jaebeom, how could he not. But things were still not that good.

"I will still try to avoid him as more as I can and so should you ."

"that's not good, but have it your own way." Jackson pouted, and Mark just pat his boy friend's head.

......

  
Jinyoung was in the library again when jaebeom came. It was odd, he looked at the man with question in his eyes.

"I want to sit here."

"The whole place is empty, you can sit wherever you want, why here?" 

"I want to sit here. With you, since you are my friend."

"I never thought we have established that relationship jaebeom shi."

"Jackson said you are a friend so you are."

"me and Jackson are bounded by work so we can have a level of relationship between us, between you and me there is nothing."

"I'm the only one who have seen your face though."

  
"Are you sure?" 

"yes, and I told you, you are beautiful"

"Maybe you wouldn't say the same thing once you actually see my real face."

"Try me."

  
Jinyoung didn't know what it was, the power jaebeom have over him. It was strong, he felt like he could do whatever jaebeom wants him to do just because the guy had told him he was beautiful.

  
So weak,

but again it was only jeabeom words who broke through his nightmare, making him calm during those waves of disaster, drying his tears when he was drowning in them. Giving some light to his dark. 

Jinyoung just sighed, as he removed his cap, throw over the hoodie and slowly detach the strap of mask form the right side.

.....

  
Jaebeom watched him taking his mask off, somehow it was fascinating. The right side was removed and he remebered those strong yet soft lines, the puffed cheek, the pouty lips.

  
Beautiful

  
And the mask was off, his eyes trailed there, the place of nightmare, the slash that was so deep thst it gives him shiver. It started from the eyes to the end of the cheek.

Jaebeom should be scared, or sad, or angry or disgusted. But he wasn't, he didn't feel anything but fascination, attraction. He didn't realize himslef but he was close, even though he was siting across jinyoung he was leaning in, fingers inching closer to scar and then, he touched it.

Jinyoung flinched away at the touch .

"beautiful." words slipped from jaebeom's lips.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm using some soulmate shit here.. Because jjp soulmates...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi...

Jinyoung flinched away from jaebeom's touch. His eyes widened as he recalled what actually was happening.  
He was letting another human being touch him and see him so easily. This was not him, not even close.

"What are you doing?" jinyoung was perplexed.

"Admiring beauty." Jaebeom didn't know where he got this much confident from.

"Go away, don't touch me." jinyoung's body finally started to give reaction, like it should. He started shaking, his eyes filling with water. 

"Go away. Why are you even here?" jinyoung questioned, he tried to put back on his mask with his trembling hands.

"Jinyoung?"

"please..... Leave"

Jaebeom didn't wanted to leave, but looking at jinyoung he knew he had fucked up. So he slowly stood up, regretting every second as he said in a small voice.

"I'm sorry."

And with that he left, he knew shouldn't have left. Because jinyoung was in his weak state, but he knew that him staying any longer would also cause misery to jinyoung.

He left the library, thinking how much he needed to know about this guy, something was attracting him towards jinyoung.

......

"jaebeom... What happened?" his instructor asked him once he finished his practice. 

"Nothing happened sir." 

"you don't look good...." 

"I don't?" 

"well you have been showing really good performance in past few days and you just look kind of out today."   
A flash of trembling jinyoung flashed through his eyes, he really shouldn't have left. 

"I'm okay sir." 

"is something troubling you?"   
His mind was filling with that boy in layers but he shook his head. 

"No sir... I'm sorry if I'm looking like this."

  
"no no... It's okay, you can take break.." 

  
"Thank you sir, but there is no need for that." 

Yeah burning off was better than resting and thinking about jinyoung. 

.... 

  
The panic attack this time was worse than he imgnined, he kept trembling, his heart beating like crazy.   
Jaebeom was the cause of all that, how could he just go and touch him like this. But again it was jinyoung who let it happened, he didn't put his guard up until he himself was hit by emotions. 

Jaebeom was the one who brought nightmare this time, but for some reason it was jaebeom's words who were protecting him.   
With the amount of mental pressure he knew the emotions would hit hard. But jaebeom's voice soothes him down. 

_"you're beautiful." _

He didn't know just one sentence could help him this much, the amount of energy he was receiveing from a stranger was beyond his imagination. 

He let himself be drowned in the darkness, with one ray of light that was jaebeom.

  
..... 

  
Jinyoung found himslef staring at his mother when he reached his apartment. 

"what are you doing here?" 

"is this how your greet your mother, you ignorant son." 

"I'm sorry.... But.." jinyoung wasn't feeling good t all, his earlier breakdown wasn't helping either. All he needed was a good sleep but now his mother was there, the demon to his nightmare. 

"You still wearing all this shit when you go out." she pointed out at his outfit.   
Jinyoung wanted dto scream at her, and told her that it was her fault that he had to do that. But he said nothing as he opened the door and let her walk in. 

Jinyoung removed his covers when he entered his small studio apartment. 

"I can't believe that you live in such a shabby place like this." 

"it's hard to afford a big place and I'm okay with this." jinyoung tired to remain calm. 

"So you want me to send you more money? You need money? Where do you even put your money into if you can't afford a proper place. Not needing is just an excuse." 

Jinyoung didn't said anything, he just went to kitchen to make tea. His mother watched him for a while before she said. 

" You sitll look ugly, with that scar. I really wish he was here instead of you. "

The words hit like brick as always. He knew his mother wasn't a sane person, he knew that the women had suffered enough. But it didn't gave her right to ruin his life like she did. 

She lived a happy life until she was announced with jinyoung. His father didn't like the idea of having another kid, but they end up having jinyoung.   
His mother didn't like him from start because she blamed him for being the one breaking their family, it was lame excuse because jinyoung never wanted to be born there in the first place.   
But when he hit 6 and his father officially left them, she lost it.   
At that time jinyoung brother was still alive and would do anything to save his brother, she would scream and beat jinyoung pushing his brother away so he won't get hit trying to protect jinyoung. It was traumatizing.

  
The scar jinyoung had another story, it was the night when all his nightmare turned even worse, the day he thought his life couldn't get any bad it got worse. He lost his savior, he lost his brother.   
His mother lost all her sanity when she took out the knife, crying out loud, screaming to get her beloved son back as he attacked him. 

The slash on his face didn't healed properly, it left a big scar. Doctor said that his mother is just mentally effected and as her only son he was responsible. He wanted to runaway but he couldn't.

He lived, he lived with nightmares, he lived with scar, he lived with pain. 

.... 

  
Jaebeom was walking back home, his muscles were aching with pain. He had consumed every ounce of his energy during his practice. He wanted to forget, but he couldn't. His urged to meet jinyoung, to hug jinyoung was becoming more prominent.   
He hated himslef to be like this, why would he be feeling something so strong to a person he just met.   
It was rare for him to go back to his home this late. 

"Why are you so late?" his mother looked worried, he wanted to say something but he just shrugged. 

"I'm sorry, I was just practicing." he answered. 

" You really are serious about this." this was the first time his mother peorperly talked to him. 

"Yes." 

"Well I hope you get what you want in the end." she said, he words may sounded dry but jeabeom needed those. He needed his parents to support him. In any other way they could. The small, words of kindness were enough for him. 

"thank you." he said as he walked away. 

  
.... 

  
They both were tired souls, searching for the destination. They were tired, tired of running, tired of waiting. Didn't know that both had their fate written for each other. The line that connects them both.   
Both were bound to found peace in each other, that's what fate has written for them.   
But they were lost, lost in the darkness. They were each other's light yet they pushed away.   
Fate waited for them to find each other, for the two tired souls to meet, so they could dry each other's tears and heal others wound. 


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some progress.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am sorry for not updating...

Jinyoung's mother came to him because she had to visit graveyard. And since his apartment was near, it was convenient for her to visit him from town, and stay. But according to doctors she seeks affection and warmth, she needed her family and deep down she knew Jinyoung was the only one left so she stays.

Jinyoung wanted to laugh at this, there was no way the women had any affection for him. He might came from her womb but that was the only relation that was created between them. Someone who gave him birth. That's all, the affection, the love, the empathy, nothing was there. Not even a humanly relationship was established.

This women tried to kill him, brought him nightmares. So why wasn't he leaving? He should have but he knew he can't. It was all related, he was chained to her. Somehow he would be reminded of his brother, the one who protected him till his last breath. For his brother, his brother loved their mother, because she was good to him and showered him with love.

He was only there for his brother, to repay all the kindness the man did to him before leaving.

It was 1 am, his mother took his bed, while he sleeps on couch. It was getting suffocating. The fact he still wasn't over with his attack in the morning and now he had to face his nightmare live in front of him. He wanted to leave, so he waited until she was asleep and once he heard her snores he took his jacket and left the apartment.

....

Fresh air is what he needed, to get away from the suffocating room of his. Two blocks down and he was in the small local park. The air felt cold, making him shiver and regret not taking his jacket. But it was a wake up call he needed. Enjoying the crisp cold air against his heated skin, it made him feel alive. He felt like maybe his life wasn't that bad. 

Jaebeom felt a lot better, but he was still confused. Was becoming an idol really his dream? There were many question that ring in his mind when he heard footsteps. 

Park Jinyoung was there, looking taken aback with another presence. His face wasn't hidden but he was wearing his hoodie. The deep yellow light illuminated his skin and he looked ethereal. Jinyoung stared at him before he turned back and start walking back. 

"I will leave , you can sit here." Jaebeom said, Jinyoung stopped. He looked at him for a moment and said. 

"I don't want to burden you. I'll leave" 

"No... It's okay I have been here for long enough." Jinyoung watched the man leaving the swing walking towards him to exit the play ground. Something inside told him that Jaebeom shouldn't leave, it wasn't guilt but it was a need. Jaebeom would have left but then Jinyoung held his sleeve. 

"It's okay. We both can sit there." 

On the swing they sit, words weren't exchanged, just two of them breathing in some air. Jinyoung swings slowly, trying to get his mind away from his mother when his eyes landed on Jaebeom. Jaebeom's side profile was perfect and somehow Jinyoung find peace watching the other. It was weird. 

He wondered what made Jaebeom to come outside and sit like this. Maybe the man also had things in his life. He wondered if he would ever know them. It felt different thinking about someone other than him. He had always thought about his own misery and himself. But today he just thought about Jaebeom. The thoughts ranged form how the man looked to how he might want to know more about him. But Jinyoung didn't dare to talk. He just watched. 

Two hours went by and they stayed there, without talking just sitting there. When Jaebeom's alarm went off he stood up, and looked around and smiled at Jinyoung. Jinyoung heart beat faster when he saw the smile, it wasn't full but it was genuine. 

"it's my time to leave. I had fun. I hope you are alright." 

All Jinyoung did was nod and Jaebeom left. The empty swing beside Jinyoung felt emptier than usual. 

.... 

Mark was heading towards his class when he saw Jinyoung. He didn't care much as he passed the man quickly not wanting any contact with the man. He walked passed by the man who seemed to be on his phone and was walking slowly. 

Mark hadn't reached the end of corridor when he heard a girl screaming and shouting. He turned around only to see Jinyoung on floor passed out. He couldn't have run away but if Jackson knew he might lose his relationship with him and he didn't want to risk it at all so he ran towards the man. 

"hey..." he held Jinyoung. The man was almost passed out and all he said was weak "don't touch me." before completely passing out in mark's arm. 


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jinyoung in hospital.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it's a double update, please go back if you haven't read chapter 7.

Mark call made Jaebeom felt sick in his stomach.

  
"look I can't tell this to Jackson and his mother isn't answering phone and he doesn't have any friends so I just thought of you."

He was glad that his teacher let him leave as he bolted out of the company towards hospital. He saw him last night and to Jaebeom he looked okay, What would have caused him to faint in the corridor like this. Was he sick? Jaebeom was worried and he hoped there is nothing serious.

...

All he wanted was some peace in his house which was taken away when his mother came to visit him.

"where are you going?"

"to the university." he felt fresh even though he didn't sleep at all last night.

"today we have to visit the grave, you are being ungrateful again."

"I will visit the grave in noon." he just didn't want to go with her.

"you are so rotten, you are not even going to visit your own brother's grave."

"I said I will go in the noon mother, I have class today." he kept his voice as soft as possible. He didn't want to trigger her. They both were mad and sick in the brain. He had his own nightmare while she had her own.

They were similar yet so different. The thoughts made his mind go crazy and he just needed to get out of their. The suffocating place. And he did.

But his condition went worst, when he reached the university he got call from his mother. Even though he didn't want to take it he knew he had to and when he did all he could hear her was crying, cursing her life, his father's and Jinyoung's. He knew she was triggered by seeing his dead son's grave after long time but so was he and he almost lost his balance as his head started spinning.

Someone started screaming and then he was held by someone and all he could say "don't touch me" before he passed away.

  
....

Stress and panic attack was the cause of break down, Jaebeom was really worried. Jinyoung has no number in his phone except his own mother and she wasn't picking it up.  
He told himself as a friend and stayed. He called his family that he might have to stay if needed.

He didn't know why he was doing it, Jinyoung wasn't his friend but he was someone who somehow had managed to take over Jaebeom's mind and instead of getting annoyed Jaebeom like to think about him.  
But not like this, not when Jinyoung is passed on the hospital bed. He hated to look at such vulnerable side of him.

"You can leave Mr Im."

"No I would like to stay."

"well that's new." the doctor was surprised.

"Jinyoung never had someone like this, are you his friend?" the doctor continued.

"I am... How do you know Jinyoung."

"Jinyoung had a long history of coming here."

"what do you mean."

"I'm sorry that's not my place to tell you."

"it's not serious.... right?"

"I don't know what's your definition of serious but I can tell you that it will be okay."

Jaebeom didn't know what to say as the doctor leave. Now Jaebeom want nothing but to protect the man and keep him under his watch.

.....

  
When he opened his eyes he was in familiar space, hospital. He had been came a lot of time when he passed out due to his panic attack and all. He had lost the counts on how many times he was woken up in hospital like this. He looked around and everything was same expect the one man who sat beside his bed.

At first he was scared to see someone else but the relieve took over him when he saw it was Jaebeom.

"Oh you are awake.. Are you okay? How are you feeling? Should I call doctor?"

Jinyoung shook his head and said.

"water."

Jaebeom moved fast as he took the glass and filled it with clear liquid. Water gave Jinyoung life as he sat and watched Jaebeom looking worriedly at him. None said a thing.

"why are you here?" Jinyoung asked after a while. "

" You passed out in university and Mark saw you so he called me. "

" why you didn't leave? "

" I couldn't. "

" I'm used to waking up alone and I don't need your presence. ". 

_Lies_.

" I know I'm a bother but i am doing to for myself. I don't want to feel guilty for leaving a sick person like this. "

" I'm not sick. "

"you passed out." 

"it was for other reasons." 

"what other reason you even have for passing out in middle of the day." 

"I'm afraid I can't tell you." 

Jaebeom said nothing, he just stared into Jinyoung's eyes. Jinyoung didn't looked away either. 

"You might not like it but I will stay till the end, and one day I would like to hear everything from you and one day I will listen to your story." 

"why are you doing this?" 

"I just want to know." 

"is curiosity the only thing you have?" 

"No I have a lot feelings, I don't know myself but what I do know is that I can't back off.. Not now...let me stay."

"I'm not holding you.. Staying is your choice but I won't be telling you my story." 

"I will wait.. I will wait till the end." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Give this fic a lot of love.

**Author's Note:**

> Find me here   
[twitter](https://twitter.com/my___1OO4)


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